Using drugs in sex (including chemsex) is a common experience for some men. For many it feels fun, enjoyable, pleasurable. For others, it escalates quickly. It can lead to consequences you never intended, and have a profound impact on everyday life.
Feeling overwhelmed by the use of chems in sex is isolating. It can feel like a loop you cannot get out of. You try to stop, but it feels impossible.
Having sex without drugs can feel alienating, uncomfortable, even distressing.
That bit is rarely said out loud.
Connecting with others while using can feel good. It builds a sense of community. At the same time, it leaves you disconnected, unable to maintain the relationships you actually want.
Recovery from chemsex is complex. Support is often needed in different ways at different points. Particularly to manage the anxiety, shame, regret, and fear that come with both continuing to use and the idea of stopping completely.
We start from an honest position about where you are now and what you want for your relationship with chems and with drugs in sex more broadly. We work on building boundaries and structures that help you reduce use, or reduce the impact use is having.
This is not addiction treatment in the twelve-step sense.
We look at what is driving it. The shame, the loneliness, the anxiety, the worries about sexual performance, connection, intimacy. And we think about alternatives. What sober sex could look like. How sex could happen differently. How to connect to your body in ways that feel safer.
For some people, more targeted drug support is the right first step, and we will signpost that. We do not turn anyone away. We work out what is most appropriate for you at each stage.
This work brings meaningful change. It does not necessarily mean abstinence. It does not necessarily mean stopping completely. It means being honest about the impact, and getting clear about the values you want your sexual life to reflect. People who do this work come out with a different relationship to both sex and drugs. Clearer about what they want, with the structures in place to live in line with it.
Come in and talk. We will do a full assessment to see what is needed right now. Sometimes that is starting psychological work immediately. Sometimes it is accessing drug support first. Either way, we will support you, and build a plan from there.