Coming to terms with who we are, our identity, sexuality, religion, family of origin, body, or sense of self, can be a huge process. And the shame that often surrounds it can feel overwhelming and distressing for many people.
Shame around identity sits in many places. It can be about the body. About what was expected of you growing up. About religion, culture, family. About how the relationship between who you are and who you have learned to present has narrowed your room to breathe.
We start from a place where you are allowed to be who you want to be.
From there we work out what is right for you.
The effects run deep. Loneliness, isolation, an exhausting self-monitoring. A sense that some core part of who you are has to be managed rather than lived.
The work here is non-judgemental and unhurried. We do not take a position on what is acceptable. There are no rights and wrongs about identity, about how you choose to live, or about what you choose to disclose.
We help you explore the barriers to feeling at ease with who you are. We work alongside the distress that comes up, from family, religion, culture, or the body, so that expressing who you are starts to feel safer. We take time to think about steps that fit you, in your context, without forcing decisions that don’t feel right.
Shame loosens. The threat the world can feel reduces. Hope, connection, and a kinder relationship with the self grow. People come out the other side able to operate in the world in ways that feel good and allow them to thrive.
Come in and tell us where you are. From there we work out what is right for you.
Sexual shame is the experience of feeling fundamentally bad, defective, or unacceptable in relation to one's own sexuality. It is one of the most common drivers of sexual difficulty in men.
CFT is a model developed by Paul Gilbert that works with the threat-drive-soothe systems of the brain. It is particularly effective for shame-based presentations, including sexual shame.
Yes. Many men carrying sexual shame have roots in religious or culturally restrictive backgrounds. The work involves understanding what was internalised and working with it without requiring rejection of the person's existing beliefs.
Guilt is about what I did. Shame is about who I am. Shame is harder to work with and more often at the heart of recurring sexual problems.
Related but not the same. Shame is sharper, more body-felt, and more specifically attached to sex, sexuality, or self-worth. Self-esteem work alone often does not reach it.